Sarah Tries On A New Pair Of Shoes

When Sarah Smith awoke Sunday morning, she had one question on her mind: What’s the craziest thing I can do today?  The answer came to her when she went to throw her carpenter husband’s clothes into the washing machine.

“I’m going to go into his woodworking shop and build myself a coffin,” she said while separating the whites from the dark colours.

Four hours later she had a crude, but still easy to identify what it was, coffin.  Then she drove over to the most visited park in the city and placed the coffin next to her on the ground.  She got a lot of funny looks from people when they walked past, but she also had quite a few stop and ask what her deal was.

“Like most people, I’m just sitting around waiting to die.  I thought keeping a coffin close at hand at all times would make it easier for my estate.”

She was so pleased with the reactions she received, she decided she would do something crazy on Monday as well.   First thing in the morning she prepared a peanut butter sandwich, took a bite out of it, brought it to work, and then asked whomever she passed in the hallway if it was theirs.

“Oh, I found it on the floor and thought you might have dropped it,” she said after they told her no.

Feeling energized by her naughty behaviour that day, she spent a solid portion of the evening thinking about how she could up the ante on Tuesday.  She went with designing a one-of-a-kind flyer.  The next day, five hundred car owners found a How Can You Be Sad When There Are A Million Cute Cat Videos On The Internet To Watch? message waiting for them on their windshield.

Wednesday, she alternated between a Russian accent and a posh British one whenever she spoke to someone.  Thursday, she did yard work dressed in an evening gown.  Friday, she told her husband that  Cherrios sprinkled with blue cheese “Absolutely is fuckin’ gourmet!  Fancy people eat this all the time in France!”   Then on Saturday, she wrapped the week up by asking everyone she encountered in the grocery store for their opinion on the nutritional value of apples versus bananas.

What would make a normally mild-mannered, boring, goody two-shoes woman suddenly act out in such an irrational way?  Being a normally mild-mannered, boring, goody two-shoes her whole life…that’s what.  Until this past week, Sarah hadn’t done one crazy thing in her thirty-three years.  She was never late with her homework during her school days, was never tempted to cheat on a test or to cut class, never so much as jaywalked or had to have a cavity filled, most definitely earned the white dress she wore on her wedding day, had never been in trouble at work, and politely listened to everyone’s tales about vacations and nights out clubbing while she dutifully sat at home paying her bills on time and saving for a rainy day.  No one ever thought to gossip about her because what’s there to say about someone who never does anything interesting?

That’s all changed, though.  Now everyone finds her interesting.  Sarah only wishes she had ditched her goody two-shoes way earlier.


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