No one ever wakes up and thinks, “I wonder if today will be the day. I wonder if this will be the day someone at work walks away from a pot they have heating up on the stove, forgets that it’s there, thereby causing the whole office to go up in flames.”
If you have thought that, then you have serious issues my friend, but don’t worry. It’s not as serious as the issue the staff at Walker & Morrissey Ltd. faced today. Someone actually did the above and at 2:22 p.m., everyone found themselves scrambling to get out of a building that was coming down around them.
Rectangular in shape, the building that housed Walker & Morrissey Ltd. had four interconnected hallways. It was a giant loop, really, that staff members had to traverse if they wanted to get from end of the building to the other. People got confused the first time they visited the space, but after awhile they saw it for what it was: a good way to get in your ten thousand steps a day without having to become a nerdy mall walker.
Everyone smelled the fire even before the alarm sounded, but they just figured Hannah from Product Control was once again cooking something no stomach, let alone no piece of cookware, should ever see.
“I smell tabasco sauce on soggy asparagus,” one person said.
“I think it smells more like burnt popcorn covered in my wife’s hairspray,” said another.
“Funny, I was thinking it smells like the shit my dog takes after he’s rummaged through the garbage pail at home,” said a third.
Ten minutes later the fire alarm went off.
“Do you think that’s a real thing, or just Wendy deciding it’s time for us to go through our yearly fire drill?” asked the person with the dog that can’t stay out of garbage pails.
Just then, they heard someone shout “Fire!”, and that’s all they needed to know it wasn’t one of Wendy’s tests. The staff ran out of their offices and were promptly greeted by a thick blanket of smoke. They all immediately began to cough, a few started crying, and then everyone wished they had paid more attention to what Wendy had said during her fire drills. Miraculously, though, they all made it outside. Well, not everyone.
“Help! I’m trapped in my office!” they heard someone scream. It was Hannah from Product Control.
“Do we go back for her?” someone asked.
“It was likely her food that started the fire in the first place,” someone else said.
“It figures,” said the owner of the dog with dietary issues. “Besides, she’s been back from her honeymoon for six months and I have yet to receive a thank you card for the shower present I gave her.”
“Hey, that’s right! I haven’t received a thank you card either. What an ungrateful little bitch. Screw her!” someone else said.
“Yeah, screw her!” the rest of the staff said one by one.
Fortunately for Hannah, the fire department arrived two minutes later and heard her cries for help.
“Thanks for trying to rescue me,” Hannah sarcastically said to her coworkers after being brought out of the building by a firefighter.
“Oh you’re welcome. Don’t be surprised if you use your salad spinner as much as I use mine,” replied one of the coworkers she had earlier failed to thank in a timely manner.
Hannah had no idea what that person was talking about, but everyone else did. And from then on, each and everyone one of them remembered to show proper manners whenever someone did something nice for them.