Maura Goes To College

Eighteen years…they go by so fast. One minute you’re giving birth to the child you will love more than anything else in the world, and the next you’re watching them leave the nest. There’s nothing more you can do for them at that point, other than be available should they ever call you wanting money.

David and Susan D’Andrea clearly understood what their role was now, but they still couldn’t resist offering last bits of unsolicited advice to their daughter as they dropped her off at her college dorm room.

“Remember why you’re here sweetie,” Susan said to Maura.

“Yes, Mom. To get my degree,” Maura said rolling her eyes in return.

“Study hard, get to know your professors, and look at running for student office. It will help prepare you for the real world,” David advised.

“I know, Dad. Geez, it’s not like I’m thirteen anymore,” Maura assured her father.

“Of course not,” Susan then said. “But we’re your parents, so of course we’re going to worry. You’ll make the right choices, though. You’re a good kid.”

A few tears later (David and Susan’s, Maura didn’t well up once), some last minute advice on laundry (separate the whites from the colours, the darker colours from the lighter ones), assurances that she could call them anytime day or night, an extra one hundred dollars stuck into her pocket by Susan, and a further one hundred dollars snuck into her other pocket by David, Maura said goodbye to her parents and wished them a safe trip home.

Five minutes later her roommate arrived. She wore her hair in dreads in that unfortunate way white people do and was squeezed into a t-shirt dress featuring a giant hand painted peace sign.

“Hi, I’m Rosie,” she said.

“Maura,” Maura said in return. “You’re going to be my drug connection this year, aren’t you?” she asked, sizing up the person who looked like a leftover from the sixties.

“And I’m guessing you’re the preppy brainiac who’s going to write all of my papers for me in return. If our parents only knew.”

Fortunately for David and Susan D’Andrea, they drove home completely oblivious to their daughter’s real reason for wanting to go to college.

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