Vince Left It Too Late

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.   That’s more than a clever advertising slogan, it’s often the key to saving relationships, careers, and reputations.  No one in Cincinnati ever starts a conversation with, “So there’s this dwarf I know who has a pet llama named Betsy.  You wouldn’t think that a llama could dance the tango, but Betsy is no ordinary llama.  And judging by the fortune he has made as a bounty hunter, it’s safe to say that Lenny is no ordinary dwarf.  Come … I’ll introduce you.”  But if you don’t meet Betsy and Lenny by the time your stay in Vegas is over, then you haven’t done Vegas right.

Vince Reggerio had a chance to meet Betsy and Lenny while he was in Vegas last week.  He also had the chance to make the acquaintance of more than one exotic dancer, a few hookers, some drug dealers, and the inside of a drunk tank.

He had been in Sin City for a buddy’s bachelor party and, well, you know how those things play out.   Too much booze gets consumed, too many drugs get ingested, vast sums of money are lost and vows are broken.  Vince’s five traveling companions certainly did their part to uphold that Vegas tradition, but Vince…?  Vince let everybody down.

He played his twenty dollar limit everyday at one of the casinos and then walked away once it was gone.  He had the occasional adult beverage, but otherwise stuck to coffee or water.  He gave a polite nod to the ladies of the evening who approached him, and then went back to checking emails.  There’s no proof of any of this, of course, because no one ever takes pictures of people behaving properly.  They only take pictures of drunken fools who try to dance with llamas named Betsy.  You know, Vince’s friends.

“When you did you get old, man?” Billy, the groom to be asked Vince.

“Yeah dude, you’re like, more boring than my Grandpa,” one of the groomsmen said.

“More like, more boring than a pastor,” another one said.

But Vince wasn’t boring.  Vince was a married father of three and the owner of the most successful heating and cooling company in the tri-state area.  He loved his wife and family, he loved the life he made for them, and he wasn’t going to risk it all for a drunken night of debauchery with some girl who called herself Sunny Beam.   So he skipped the midnight meeting with Betsy and Lenny, and all of the other craziness.  Maybe that’s why he’s still married to the same woman after two decades and why Billy’s going into marriage number three.

“Twenty years ago and perhaps I’d have joined you guys,” Vince said to his friends.  “I guess I just got here too late.”


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