Sandra Wants To Convert You

Sandra Yau noticed a difference right away when she gave up junk food. It wasn’t fun, not by any means, what with the sugar and alcohol withdrawal. In fact, it was one of the hardest things she had ever done. After only a few weeks, though, she saw the positive impact eating healthy was making on her life. She started to lose weight, her complexion cleared up, her moods evened out, her bones and joints didn’t hurt as much, and she had more energy. It was as though she had become a whole new person; reborn you might say, and she wanted everyone to know.

“I don’t know how you can stand to eat that hot dog,” she said to a coworker one day while they were having lunch in the staff lounge. “Is there anything even real in those things? I’d much rather get my protein from nuts.”

When one of her girlfriends complained about PMS, Sandra took it as an opportunity to extol the virtues of mangoes.

“Those babies are full of Vitamin B. The more Vitamin B you have in you, the better your mental health will be.”

She lectured her sister on the benefits of tofu versus red meat, her husband on the dangers of potato chips, and the members of her reading group on the toll drinking all the wine that they did at their meetings was taking on their waistlines. It was as if Sandra had become a health food zealot and wanted to convert everyone.

Nowhere was that more evident than during her weekly trip to the grocery store. More than one fellow shopper caught her looking in their basket, and they could tell by the scornful look on her face that she did not agree with their purchases.

“May I help you?” a shopper with more frozen pizzas than fruits and vegetables in her cart asked.

“You know, it only takes a few minutes to make pizza dough from scratch. I just find pizza made from scratch tastes so much better than frozen store bought ones; especially one topped with vegetables! I could email you the recipe if you want to give me your address,” Sandra said with way more enthusiasm than anyone should ever express for a vegetarian pizza.

“I’m good, thanks,” the frozen pizza lover said.

“Are you? Good, I mean. Are you really?” Sandra asked.

“Fuck off,” the now irritated shopper said.

“Oh oh. Sounds like someone didn’t have enough Vitamin B today! Have you ever thought about trying mangoes?”

Sandra’s fellow shopper then opted to go and stand in a much longer checkout line than the one she and Sandra had been sharing, leaving Sandra all alone with nothing but her feelings of superiority for company.


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