It was early in the workday when Rachel Lockley’s boss passed her in the hallway. 9:03 a.m. to be exact.
“Hello Rachel,” he said.
“Fuck you,” she replied.
“What did you just say?” he asked, taken aback.
“Oh. Did you hear that? Weird,” she then said as she continued towards her office.
An hour later Tina, whose office was three over from Rachel’s, also greeted her with an hello when she ran into her in the woman’s washroom. Rachel responded by giving Tina the finger.
“Why did you just give me the finger?” a hurt Tina asked.
“You saw that? How puzzling.”
Fifteen minutes later, the head of Human Resources called Rachel down to her office and demanded that she explain her behaviour. Rachel just sat there and picked her nose.
“Rachel,” the very stern Human Resources lady said, “is there something you want to tell me?”
“Mango Passion Fruit Éclairs are the best tasting things in the world! Next to my own snot, of course,” Rachel said.
“Rachel, your behaviour today has us all confused.”
“You’re confused? Imagine how I feel. One minute I’m invisible to you all, and the next it’s as though I have a giant flashing billboard tied around my neck telling everyone to pay close attention to me.”
“What do you mean, you’re invisible to us all?” Human Resources lady asked.
“We have a lot of tours come through here at the bottling plant – at least one a week, and I get that. We’re the number one beer company in the country. What I don’t get is how come the tours stop at every office but mine. I hear them stop next door at Marketing and say ‘And this is our Marketing Department.’ I hear them stop across the hall and say, ‘And this is where all of our Sales Representatives sit.’ I also hear them stop and introduce everyone in the Billing Department. The Billing Department! The most boring department on the planet! Then I watch them walk by my office without so much as an acknowledgement. Ever. I was beginning to think I was in a never ending episode of The Twilight Zone or something, and I was playing the part of an invisible ghost who thought she worked here, only as far as everyone else was concerned she didn’t even exist. I was just testing my theory, is all.”
“Rachel, next to the President you’re the busiest person in the company. People don’t stop at your office because they don’t want to disturb you.”
“Then I’m not an invisible ghost?”
“No, you’re not an invisible ghost,” Human Resources lady assured her.
“So what you’re saying is, if I were to rub my butt all over your desk it wouldn’t go unnoticed?”
“I should get back to work. I’m very busy, you know.”
The second busiest person in the company then went back to her office, passing a tour along the way.
“And this is our Marketing Department,” she heard the guide say.
As tempted as she was to flash everyone at that moment, she controlled herself and went back to only feeling invisible.