Confessions Of An Angry Employee

If you were to ask any of the employees at Olsen Design Centre for the name of their happiest coworker, without a doubt everyone would tell you Julianne Monroe.  That woman always has a smile on her face, and a positive thing to say about everyone and everything.

“How was your weekend?” you might ask her.

“Fantastic!” she would say, even if she had spent the whole weekend working overtime.

“How are the blueprints coming along?” you may inquire.

“On your desk, right beside the picture of your adorable dog!” she’d cheerily reply, even though it had only been a few hours since you had asked her to draw them up.

“I hate to do this to you Julianne, but….{insert any of the many ways you could ruin this woman’s day}…”

“No problem!  That’s what I’m here for!” she’d answer.

Julianne truly does love her job, her coworkers and her clients!

Actually, that’s a lie.  Julianne hates everything and everyone associated with Olsen Design Centre.  With a passion.  With every fiber of her being.  With the kind of fury a shock comedian wishes he could harness for his routine.  She has for years and if she could, she’d move on to something else.  Thanks to the economy, though, she has to tough it out if she wants to keep paying her bills.

So, how is she able to fake it day after day, week after week, year after year?  Is it drugs?  Liquid lunches?  No, Julianne has found a healthier way to channel her rage.  Two years ago she launched her own workplace blog.  Think of it like The Office in printed form if The Office didn’t have to appease viewers, advertisers, network brass, and censors all at once.  Don’t worry, she hasn’t made fun of you on it.  Well, unless you’re the pig who farts through the Monday morning meeting, the creep who keeps staring at her breasts whenever the two of you have a conversation, or the idiot who asked for blue walls and then freaked out when you saw blue walls insisting that you had wanted yellow walls.  If so, then you were the highlight of her November 21st, February 13th and April 9th entries respectively.  But again don’t worry, she uses a fake name and has changed enough of the details so that no one will know it’s you.   In fact, she does such a good job at hiding her true identity that someone from Olsen Design Centre once left a comment on her blog about how he’d kill anyone if they ever stole his lunch, not realizing that he was the lunch stealing bastard she had mocked.

She has over one hundred thousand followers – and her sanity to show for her efforts.  Whatever gets you through the day, right?

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