Tara Fires Her Fairy Godmother

It’s not that Tara Mulhally ever really expected to live happily ever after, it’s just that – oh who’s kidding who?  Of course Tara Mulhally expected to one day live happily ever after!  That’s what all of those fairytales from her childhood promised at the end.  She’d face a struggle of some sort, have herself a good cry over it and then, just as she was reaching the point where she felt all hope was lost, someone would come along and rescue her.  That someone would be her fairy godmother, Stella.  Why her name would be Stella, Tara couldn’t say, it just would be.

Fairy godmothers are awesome!  According to the pictures Tara had seen of them in books and in the movies, they’re not the least bit good looking, so there would be zero competition between herself and the old gal when it came to attracting a handsome prince.  Plus, it would be Stella who would do all the work to make Princess Tara’s dreams come true.  She just had to get all dolled up in the fancy party dress provided to her by her fairy godmother, act demure, and then wait for her Prince Charming to come along.  It would be up to him after that to make sure Tara never felt stressed out, lonely, ugly, or scared of the big bad wolf ever again.

It was going to be glorious when it happened; much better anyway than the situation she got herself into after finishing school: working a low paying administrative job for a company that manufactures garden gnomes, then going home to a one bedroom apartment that didn’t even have a balcony for her to put a garden gnome.  It was just a matter of time before it did too.  How long that would be she wasn’t sure: one year, two year, five years?  Definitely not more than five years.  She’d be thirty then and dangerously close to her best before sell by date.

Only five years did come and go for Tara, and without any sign of her fairy godmother.

“Where are you?” Tara asked one night while washing her pantyhose by hand.  “I was supposed to be whisked away from all of this by now and living the life of my dreams.  You haven’t done one damn thing for me my whole life.”

Just then, as tears were starting to form in the corner of her eyes, Tara heard a voice and this is what it said…

“What have you done to make your dreams come true, little lady?  Have you put in the time and effort to get ahead at work?  Have you made the necessary sacrifices to secure your financial future?  You can’t even use a power drill, can you?”

“No, but…” Tara started to say in her defense.

“But nothing,” the mystery voice said. “Why should anyone help you when you’re not willing to help yourself?  If you want to live a long and happy life, then get off your lazy, fat ass and build yourself a happy life.”

Fairy godmothers aren’t supposed to say things like “lazy, fat ass” are they?  Those are words an ordinary person would use; an ordinary person like Tara.

“Was I just talking to myself?” Tara then said.  Yes, she had been and that’s when she realized that in real life, Tara was going to have to be her own fairy godmother.  Stella wasn’t going to help her.  Stella didn’t even exist.  It was up to her.

“I hate to break the news to you Stella, but you’re fired.  From here on out, I’m going to make things happen for myself,” was the last thing Tara ever said to her non-existent fairy godmother.



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