What People Will Do For A Tablet

It’s not unusual for there to be snow in northern Michigan on Thanksgiving Day. It’s just that the residents of Blossomville hadn’t expected it to feel as though it was the end of January. That wasn’t going to stop them from lining up all night outside of Tech Titans, though. There were bargains to be had, and they were going to grab them no matter how much their frost bitten fingers protested.

Things started out friendly enough as these things tend to do when everyone’s full of turkey. Funny things such as “Cold enough for you?” were said. Someone tossed out a good natured “I see I’m not the only crazy one here.” And a light hearted “I hope my son remembers this when it comes time to put me in a home” was shared amongst the parents in the crowd.

Come 6 a.m., however, the gloves came off. That’s when the store opened and the bargain shoppers charged through its doors without paying attention to the “Attention Shoppers! Tech Titans welcomes you to our Annual Black Friday Sale. Please enter in an orderly fashion and be considerate of your fellow shoppers” announcement being played over the intercom. You’d almost think a pride of lions was after a dazzle of zebras, that’s how crazy the stampede of people was. People were trampled, eyes were blackened, and those from four-people households felt the need to grab six of everything. Then suddenly, a voice of reason cried out.

“People! People!” the voice said. “Did we not just spend yesterday acting grateful for what we already have? Do we have to kill each other over a product that didn’t even exist a few years ago? Christmas is just around the corner, you know. What happened to goodwill towards men?”

The crowd grew silent for a moment, almost as if they had been deeply affected by what the voice of reason had just imparted. Almost.

“That’s why we’re here, you idiot!” a not-so-reasonable voice shouted. “My kids all want new tablets for Christmas this year. Now move it! You’re blocking the aisle.”

“Ya!!!” others from the crowd shouted before tossing the voice of reason to the ground and then grabbing every electronics device within reach.

“I feel sorry for you people and for your children!” the voice of reason said once she was able to stand again. “I’m going home to teach my children that having the latest gadgets just isn’t worth it.”

“Then your kids are going to have a crappy Christmas!” one of the shoppers yelled.

Only the voice of reason’s children didn’t have a crappy Christmas, for in the crowd was the voice of reason’s husband and he managed to grab two tablets before being dragged out of the store by his wife. She still gave her children a lesson on consumerism when she got home, but come Christmas morning, they were so mesmerized by their new tablets, they forgot every single word she had said.


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