New Year’s Resolutions

Noelle Lockwood has discovered the secret to New Year’s Resolutions: don’t make any at all.  She used to years ago, but then she discovered that each and every one of them just set her up for failure and inevitable heartbreak.

Take the classic “I’m going to lose weight!” resolution.  Between the chocolates, the trays of cookies and the candy everyone gave her for Christmas there was no way that she could get through it all until the start of February.  Then it was Valentine’s Day and more chocolate, followed by Easter and more chocolate.  Realizing that there would be no way to lose any significant amount of weight before summer, she would then put her diet off until fall, but when that rolled it was sweater season, and sweaters hide a lot.  Before she knew it, it was Christmas time again and she was back at square one.

She used to be quite fond of the “I’m going to be nicer to everyone next year!” resolution as well. The lawns she mowed for other people, the bratty children she babysat, the number of times she bit her tongue…she did it all.  Then one day she clued in that the reason she was unhappy before she started being nicer to people wasn’t because she hadn’t been going out of her way to be nice to them, it was because they never went out of their way to be nice to her.  In fact, many of them were  just plain obnoxious and needy.  So she stopped trying to become Mother Theresa.

There were a number of years she also swore that she’d be better with her money, but when the cost of everything goes up three percent each year and your yearly raise is only one or two percent, there’s only so much a gal can do.

She once toyed with the idea of finally sitting down and writing that book she always meant to write, but then she went to a writing seminar and was told that she only had a one in a million shot of being published.  Who needs that kind of rejection?

Flossing everyday, drinking less, rising above her bad boy attractions…she promised those things, too; all in an attempt to be a better person.  Until she decided that if she became a better person, then the snobs of the world would start to look down upon some other person they saw as a loser instead of her, and she didn’t wish that on anyone.

So she remains her messed up self year after year.  Take her or leave her, she doesn’t care because she knows that there will always be a yummy tray of cookies waiting for her come Christmas time.




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