Only Crazy People Eat Kale

Brad Holland’s favourite food in the whole world is bacon.  He’s added it to a lot of the dishes he has prepared over the course of his thirty-eight years: pizza, pasta, burgers, potatoes, muffins – the list goes on.  Suffice to say, Brad is obsessed with bacon and he feels that people would be a lot happier if they fully embraced it as well.  That said, he doesn’t insist that they do.  He’s perfectly fine if they never eat a slice in their life.  He doesn’t understand why they wouldn’t, but he does get that it takes all kinds to make the world go around.

What he doesn’t comprehend is why other people insist on pushing their way of life onto him.  If you want to eat a salad for lunch, then have a salad for lunch; just don’t expect Brad to have one – unless it’s been tossed with bacon.  Only that’s what Leonore, the Office Manager where he works, is insisting upon in her notice on the staff bulletin board.

Attention Staff

The next office potluck will be this Friday.

The Theme: Healthy Eating, in honour of the recent diet so many of us started.

Please, only bring nutritious dishes.  No junk food or desserts!

What the h-e-double toothpicks, Leonore?  Who wakes up in the morning and says, “Boy!  Am I ever looking forward to that kale salad at lunch!”?  No one, unless they’re crazy; because that’s people who eat kale must be: crazy.  There’s nothing exciting, sexy, or mouth watering about kale.  There’s a lot of dread and gas that comes with eating kale, but that’s about all.

So way to go, Leonore.  Way to take away what would have been the best chocolate bacon truffles your coworkers had ever tasted because that’s what Brad would have brought to the potluck had it been a normal one.  Only come this Friday, he’ll be going across the hall out of protest and seeing if the engineers who occupy the office suited opposite of them would appreciate real food.

Brad bets they will.  Bacon and pocket protectors: that’s all an engineer needs in life.




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