The End of Bullying

It was election day at Colclough Memorial High School and the students were all assembled in the gymnasium, pretending to care about what the candidates had to say.

“If I’m elected Student Council President, I promise to bring in a kick ass band for prom,” vowed Jenna Morrissey.  Polite applause.

“If I’m elected Student Council President, I promise to have the vending machines stocked with snacks that are less than two years old,” swore Jacob Andrews.  Polite applause. 

“If I’m elected Student Council President, I promise to open up a respectful dialogue between students and teachers,” declared Sienna Landry.  Only her campaign manager applauded that because really, what student wants to chit chat with their geography teacher?  What would they talk about – the linguistic brilliance of Nicki Minaj compared to Billie Holiday?

It wasn’t until Conner Fitzgerald spoke that anyone seriously paid attention.

“Heads up all you bullies out there.  If I’m elected Student Council President, I’ll see to it that one day out of the school year will be declared Revenge of the Nerds Day. Everything you to do us, we’ll do back to you tenfold.  So you really only have two options here: be nice to everyone this year or see to it that I’m not elected.  But I’m thinking that there are enough people here who are tired of your crap, so considered yourself forewarned.  Mic drop.”

Connor literally said the words “Mic drop” because he didn’t want to risk damaging school property and getting into trouble for actually dropping the microphone.  It was still just as effective and met with thunderous applause.  Two hours later, he was elected Student Council President and that year students were able to come to school without worrying about whether or not they’d be body slammed into a locker, shamed on social media, or have someone secretly place a booger in their sandwich.

When word of what Connor had done got out to other schools, Student Council candidates from here to Katmandu promised the same thing.  And that’s how centuries of school yard bullying finally came to an end.

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