It’s a Wonderful Life, My Ass

It’s a Wonderful Life has to be one of the stupidest movies ever made.  That’s the opinion of Gloria Danner, anyway.  She was forced to watch it every year when she was a child, and now her husband and children insist upon watching it as a family every Christmas.

“It’s so heartwarming!” they always say.  “It reaffirms one’s faith in mankind,” they also like to say.  “I hope that my life means that much to other people!” they always throw in at the end.

“Oh puke!” is what Gloria wants to say.  First off, nothing about the movie reaffirms Gloria’s faith in mankind.  If it hadn’t been for George Bailey, Mary would have become a bitter spinster, the druggist would have poisoned that kid, and Mr. Potter would have taken over the entire town, making the dream of home ownership impossible for all.  What a bunch of useless idiots.

Sure, they all chipped in at the end to save Bailey Savings and Loan, but George had nothing to do with the crisis it was facing.  It was all of his uncle’s doing; another useless idiot.  Plus, Clarence the Angel, he only went back down to earth because he knew that if he helped George Bailey, he would earn his wings.  Selfish bastard.

George was the only one who didn’t get what he wanted.  He never became an architect, he never travelled the world, nor did he even make it out of Bedford Falls.  The one true saint in this story, the only productive one out of the bunch, and he walked away with the least.

That sounds a lot like Gloria’s world.  She’s been a goody two-shoes her whole life, has always played by the rules, but it’s everyone else around her that’s making off like bandits.  It’s a boring  marriage, a boring job, and a boring twelve hundred square foot home in a boring little town for her.

It’s a wonderful life, my ass.  More like a total rip off.




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