Have You Thanked A Porn Star Today?

Porn stars need to be treated with more respect.  Seriously, they do.

First of all, people have to stop calling them all of those nasty names.  It’s insensitive and disrespectful to talk about another human being that way.  Secondly, it’s unfair to assume that all of them are whores (see what I mean about nasty names?).  Some are whores, of course, just as there are some skanky accountants out there, but no one’s demanding that that profession be done away with, now are they?  One also needs to give them props for fulfilling the unrealistic expectations placed upon them by their profession.  Are you that bendy, built, or brilliant at faking it?  Most likely not.  Furthermore, porn stars do a lot of good in this world and the lack of recognition they receive on this point is downright unfair.

Think of all of the lonely and frustrated people they help out.  Or the new techniques that their movies teach bored couples.  Or all of the visually impaired people who can now see not just pornos, but the whole world around them more clearly.

You didn’t know that porn stars have helped thousands of people see again, did you?  It’s true, and those very same people have Candy Cakes, the world’s biggest porn star, to thank.  Years ago, Candy noticed that not a lot of porn stars wore prescription glasses.  Many needed them, just as people from all walks of life do, but when your job is as unpleasant as theirs, they all felt that it would be best to turn a blind eye (pun intended) to what they were doing, so they kept their glasses tucked away in a drawer at home.  Candy got it into her head that instead of letting those glasses go to waste, she would collect them all and donate them to charity so that people who couldn’t afford to pay for glasses could finally get the corrective lenses their vision so desperately needed.

When the various charity groups she offered the glasses to found out where they came from, they all said, “Thanks, but no thanks.  We don’t want anything to do with people who whore themselves out for money.”

Candy thought it was rather hypocritical of them to talk that way considering that everyone whores themselves out in their own special way.  For instance, how many times have you acted thrilled to see a customer you actually hated?  How many awful jobs did you take simply because it paid the bills?  How many times have you done something for your spouse, your parents, your friend, or your kids because you knew you could expect something in return down the road?  Be honest now.  Whore.

Candy was determined to get those glasses to the people who needed them.  That is why she had Dick Handler, her leading man in more than one film, dress up as a business professional and pretend that his made up white collar company had collected all of those glasses.  Every year Dick does this for her, and that is why every year Candy thinks it’s a shame that he has never found success in mainstream movies because he truly is a fantastic actor.

So the next time you see someone wearing glasses, ask yourself this: were they able to afford that eyewear on their own or did Candy and Dick play a part?  You just never know where those glasses may have come from, but now you know that porn stars are better people than you previously thought.

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