There was a time when Millicent Duffy wasn’t sure that she would ever get the swing of golf. First there were all of those confusing terms the other golfers kept throwing at her.
“If you want your game to improve, then you need to stop over clubbing,” people advised her.
“Are you implying that I’m hung over?” Millicent would ask defensively. “I’ve never had a drink in my life, let alone stepped inside a nightclub!” Fortunately, someone eventually filled her in that all over clubbing meant was that she wasn’t using the right club for the distance she wanted to hit the ball.
Then there were the ones that laughed at her for landing in jail time and time again. She couldn’t understand what it was about her that caused people to think that she, a good Catholic, would be involved in criminal activities. It took one of the other ladies in her senior league to explain that ‘jail’ was just another way of saying that she had hit her ball into the trees.
Soon she also learned that ‘Double Bogey’ did not stand for back-to-back showings of Humphrey Bogart movies and that ‘Duffer’ was not an affectionate play on her last name. The term that meant the most to Millicent, though, was ‘Ace’. If she could land that then she could proudly claim to be a member of the elusive Hole in One Club.
So she practised her swing, got tips on her stance, and grilled other golfers for advice on which club to use in various situations. That was why today, as she stood at the start of Redwood Golf and Country Club’s tenth hole, she was overcome with a sense of calm – a sense of knowing really, that this was her time. This would be the moment that everyone would talk about for years. And with a swing that lasted all of five seconds, Millicent Duffy made history.
“Son of a bitch! Who’s the asshole who made that shot?” someone cried out in pain.
Millicent Duffy hadn’t hit a hole-in-one. What she did hit was another golfer straight in his left eye. The shot cost him his vision on that side and Millicent her membership at the club.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if you know what terms such as ‘ace’, or ‘duffer’, or ‘bogey’ mean. The one you need to know above all others is ‘Fore’, and that you need to shout it at the top of your lungs to warn others that a Millicent Duffy-type shot is heading their way. Because golf balls don’t cause people to go blind. Bad golfers cause people to go blind.
Don’t cause people to go blind.