God Save The Queen

Queen Elizabeth II has a bone to pick with actress Elizabeth Hurley.  For starters, who looks that good at the age of fifty?  Queen Elizabeth certainly didn’t.  Secondly, why does Elizabeth Hurley get to still be friends with Hugh Grant?  Her Majesty never got to remain friends with any of her exes.  She was duty bound to have them exiled to the secret and remote island of Keepayourtrapshut before any of them had a chance to spill any dirt.  Her biggest problem with Elizabeth Hurley, though, is that show’s she on: The Royals.

It’s a nasty show, The Royals.  Not in terms of the acting or the writing.  Even her Majesty has to admit that shows about people behaving badly are fun to watch.  No, what she hates most about the show is that it got her subjects thinking about the one thing no Royal family wants anyone to think about: Is it time to abolish the Monarch?

Elizabeth Hurley plays the part of Queen Helena and in Season One, Vincent Regan played the part of King Simon.  It was the King who proposed the idea of getting rid of the Monarch to his subjects, but he was murdered before anyone had a chance to vote.  The viewing public saw what a bunch of muck ups his family was, then compared them to the muck ups Queen Elizabeth sired and figured, you know what?  We should toss those tossers.

Britain’s Royal Family lost everything because of that show: their titles, their homes and their wealth.  Poor Lizzie couldn’t even afford to keep her beloved Corgies.  She, Charles and Camilla were all forced to move into a low income retirement residence.  Anne went from being a dowdy princess to a dowdy librarian.  Andrew opened up a string of strip clubs.  Edward had to resort to doing reality television.  The grandkids, they’re all working at McDonald’s.  As for Phillip?  He simply disappeared; perhaps to the island of Keepayourtrapshut.

Thanks Elizabeth Hurley.  Thanks for ruining everything.

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