The Lies Meg Ryan Has Told

Corinne Agostin would be the first person to tell you that Meg Ryan is a big fat liar.  Sandra Bullock, Renee Zellweger, Anne Hathaway, Kate Hudson – they’re not trustworthy either, but out of all of them, Meg Ryan is the hugest fibber.

The message in pretty much of all of her films is the same: you are destined for the greatest love affair of all time.  Your one true love will be handsome, he will be funny, he will be successful, he will be romantic, he will be faithful, and he will be the father of your 2.5 perfect children.  The so-so marriages will be left to the Rosie O’Donnells of the world, or whomever plays the flawed, but loyal best friend in the movie that is your life.

Only lately, Corinne has been feeling more like Rose O’Donnell – if Rosie O’Donnell were a straight dental hygienist married to a boilermaker.  Boilermakers are generally nice people equally deserving of love, too, of course; it’s just that there was never any mention of boilermakers in any of Meg Ryan’s movies.  Nor was there any mention of said boilermaker using the money that Corinne had been saving in hopes of one day going to Europe to instead fund his dart league’s trip to the state championship.  Corinne wants a week in Barcelona, Spain not a weekend in Dayton, Ohio.  And she wants someone to light up the Empire State building for her.  And she wants someone to call her America’s Sweetheart.

“I was promised Tom Hanks,” Corinne mumbles as she throws her husband’s dirty work clothes into the washing machine.  “I want Tom Hanks and I want him now.”

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