Lena Wallace doesn’t make very much money as an Employment Co-ordinator for disabled adults, but if the articles published on the internet, in magazines, and in newspapers are to be believed, then she should be able to save one thousand dollars in a year; maybe even five thousand dollars if she’s willing to make serious sacrifices. Lena will do just about anything if it means being able to save up enough money to buy her first car, start a retirement account, and put a down payment on a house.
How to Save For the Life You Really Want is the title of the latest article Lena is reading. It promises that if she utilizes the following money-saving tips, she’ll be on her way to affording her dream life.
Tip 1: Cancel your cable subscription. I don’t even have one, Lena thinks to herself.
Tip 2: Get rid of your home internet service. Take advantage of free WiFi hotspots. Something Lena already does everyday when she surfs the net at work. Case in point: this article.
Tip 3: Pack a lunch for work instead of eating out everyday. There are idiots who eat out?
Tip 4: Follow your car’s maintenance schedule to help prevent costly repairs down the road. One needs a car before they can follow such advice.
Tip 5: Buy your ‘casual, around the house’ clothes at a thrift shop. Lena buys all of her clothes there, even her dressy work outfits.
Tip 6: Instead of going to the movies, invite friends over to play a board game. If she could afford to buy a board game, then she could afford to go to the movies.
Tip 7: Only use electricity during off peak billing hours. Lena has tried that but shaving your legs in the dark is dangerous.
Tip 8: Sell a kidney, whore yourself out to a sugar daddy, or become a drug dealer.
The article didn’t really offer that last bit of advice, but if things don’t change, Lena will forever be stuck living in her one bedroom apartment, having to rely on public transportation, and wearing castoffs.
“Maybe I should become a drug dealer,” she says to herself. “If I get arrested, I’ll be treated to three meals a day, a roof over my head, and free healthcare for years.”
Lena then wonders if the internet provides tips on how to become a drug dealer the way it offers tips on how to save money. She’ll try looking that up after she gets back from her staff meeting.