Eminem

People don’t believe me when I tell them that I met the rapper, Eminem at a house party this past weekend.  They also don’t believe me when I say that the guy has been given an unfair rap.  Ha!  Rap…Eminem…get it?  Pun completely intended, obviously.

Anyway, contrary to popular opinion, Eminem is not a brooding, misogynistic jerk.  He’s actually quite sweet.  For example, say you were at a house party and casually said to him, “Do you know what I could go for right now?  A peanut butter and jam sandwich.”  He’d race into the kitchen and make you one.  He’d even grill it for you, being the poor man’s gourmet chef that he is.  Now suppose you then said, “I don’t really care for how the furniture in this room is laid out.  I think that the chesterfield should go in front of the window. ”  He’d move that chesterfield in an instant and wouldn’t even make you get off of it beforehand.  Nor would he worry that it wasn’t yours or his chesterfield to move in the first place.  That’s because once Eminem decides he cares about someone, he goes all in.

That may be why he didn’t mind all of the times I asked him to rap his most famous line of lyrics for me.

“Say it, Eminem.  ‘My name is…my name is…’” I begged.

“My name is Steve Fontaine,” he would then say.

See?  Isn’t Eminem adorable?!  Using his real name like that for me!

“No, Eminem is not adorable,” everyone I have told this story to has said to me.  Steve Fontaine is adorable.  You spent the night chatting up Bill’s cousin from Montreal.  You remember, Bill?  The guy whose house you were at?  The one who would have preferred it if his chesterfield had been left alone?  Steve Fontaine is not Eminem, a.k.a. Marshall Mathers.  Maybe don’t get so wasted next time.”

I don’t care what those people say.  I did meet Eminem this past weekend, and he did make me a grilled peanut butter and jam sandwich and moved the chesterfield around for me.  Some people just don’t know how to handle their jealousy, I guess.

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