Dolly Parton is Having Issues With Her Hair

Dolly Parton is having some serious issues with her hair today.  At least, that’s what Dawn has gathered from the conversation she’s been eavesdropping on while sitting in the food court of her local shopping mall.

It’s not the Dolly Parton, of course; just some woman that Dawn has decided to name after the legendary music performer because both of them have such gigantic breasts.  Not Dawn and the Dolly Parton, but Food Court Dolly Parton and the real one.  Dawn doesn’t have any breasts, big or small; hasn’t since her double mastectomy four months ago.  She hasn’t had any hair for the last two months either.  Chemotherapy will do that to a person’s locks.  That’s why Dawn finds the conversation that Food Court Dolly Parton is having with a woman Dawn has nicknamed Janice Dickinson (holy plastic surgery!) both hilarious and infuriating.

“Oh…my…God!” Food Court Dolly Parton whines.  “This hair of mine is driving me absolutely insane!  Look at it!  I look like a lion that’s been put through a dryer without any dryer sheets!”

Janice Dickinson laughs at that and then says in response, “I know what you mean.  My hair is a nightmare, too.  The money I spend on gels and conditioners and hot oil treatments alone could feed a small army.”

A part of Dawn wants to go over to their table and scold them for complaining about something so trivial.  At least they have hair, she wants to say.  At least they still have eyebrows that need to be shaped, eyelashes that look nice with a coat of mascara, and breasts that men want to oogle.

She doesn’t go over, though, because there’s also a part of her that sees them as inspiration.  One day when she is better (and she will get better; she’s a fighter, our Dawn), her hair will grow back.  When it does, she will curl it, straighten it, colour it, and do any other fun thing she wants with it.

On the days when it refuses to cooperate, she will still be grateful because living long enough to have another bad hair day is infinitely better than having no more days at all.


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