“I’m telling you, it will be Mom” said ten year old Jasper, doing his best to defend his position.
“No, it will be Dad,” countered his younger brother by three years, Justice.
“What are you two nerds fighting about now” asked Jude, the eldest of three McCreary brothers.
“Who will die first in a zombie apocalypse,” Jasper replied. I say it will be Mom because she’s the smartest one of the family. Zombies love brains.”
“And I say it will be Dad because he’s fat. The zombies could last a long time off of him,” argued Justice.
“No, as usual, you’re both wrong,” Jude informed them. “The zombies won’t eat either one.”
The younger McCreary boys were confused by what they had just heard. Zombies feed off of humans. Mom….Dad…food is food to them. Why wouldn’t the undead want to eat them?
“Because you big, dumb babies, we live in Canada. We expect everyone to be polite up here. We wouldn’t put up with their zombie nonsense for even two seconds,” Jude told them.
Jasper and Justice had never heard of any zombies abiding by some code of ethics, so they still couldn’t figure out their brother’s logic.
“It’s simple,” Jude went on to explain. At the first sign of a zombie apocalypse, the Prime Minister would order our secret underground barrier to be raised. Presto! All the zombies would stuck outside of our borders.”
“Secret underground barrier!” Jasper shouted.
“Shhhh! Do you want the Americans to know that we one-upped them on a defense initiative?”
“It must have cost a lot of money to secretly build something like that,” Justice said.
“And now you know why Dad’s unemployment benefits were cut off. The government needed the money for the barrier.”
“So zombies will never be able to get us?” Jasper asked.
“No, zombies will never be able to get you. But I can!” Jude said just as he started to chase his little brothers around the house, causing them to scream with delight.
Meanwhile, upstairs in his bedroom, sat the boys unemployed father, staring zombie-like at the walls, wondering where their next meal will come from.