Don’t you ever, ever, EVER bother Bruce Hertz on a Wednesday night during NFL football season. That’s when he does his weekly game picks and he takes them very seriously. He will spend hours going over statistics, injury reports, and checking to see if there are any ongoing feuds between the various teams. If Bruce can’t be a professional football player, then the least he can do is win his football pool.
His wife, Fiona belongs to the same pool, but her method for picking teams is vastly different. We’ll use this week’s match ups to explain.
New York at New England: Fiona’s going with New England because the autumn leaves are beautiful in that part of the country. Plus Boston accents make her giggle whereas New York accents make her fear for her life.
Minnesota at Buffalo: Buffalo is just one incredibly depressing town no matter how you look at it, so Fiona’s going with Minnesota.
Atlanta at Baltimore: Atlanta’s home to the Coca Cola Museum. Fiona loves Coke and yes, she can tell the difference between it and Pepsi. Atlanta all the way, baby!
Carolina at Green Bay: They get hurricanes in the Carolinas. Fiona has a major fear of water, but she can handle the type of blizzards they get in Green Bay. Green Bay to win.
Cleveland at Jacksonville: Cleveland has the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Jacksonville doesn’t have anything that Fiona can think of, so Cleveland.
Cincinnati at Indianapolis: Cincinnati, only because Fiona loved the show WKRP in Cincinnati.
Seattle at St. Louis: It rains a lot in Seattle, which makes Fiona sad. However, Fiona and Bruce went to the top of the Arch in St. Louis when they were in town for her nephew’s wedding and felt totally ripped off by the experience. It’s a coin toss: Seattle.
New Orleans at Detroit: one city was devastated by a flood while the other was devastated by mismanagement. Mother Nature beats City Hall any day: New Orleans.
Tennessee at Washington: that’s a no brainer. One must always cheer for the nation’s capital.
Kansas at San Diego: San Diego has everything: sunshine, perfect temperatures, handsome Navy men. Kansas, meanwhile is sad. But not Buffalo sad. A win would easily brighten the place up. Kansas.
Arizona at Oakland: Fiona and Bruce have talked about retiring in Arizona so that settles that debate.
New York (the other one) at Dallas: Fiona’s love for Troy Aikman will never die. That man is still hot. Dallas.
San Francisco at Denver: Sometimes Fiona wishes that she had been born twenty years earlier so that she could have experienced San Francisco in the sixties. As for Denver, the air’s too thin. San Francisco.
Houston at Pittsburgh: she has never cared for either President Bush. Pittsburgh.
Monday night tie breaker score: 42. She met Bruce when she was twenty-four, but twenty-four would make for a pretty boring game. Forty-two would be more exciting.
Oh, in case you’re wondering, Fiona is tied for first place overall in the pool. Bruce is dead last.
***Did you know that all of the teams have trademarked their names? Say them at your own peril.***