Minutes From The Meeting

I bet if you took a random survey of one hundred people on whether or not they liked meetings, the answer would be the same from all of them: NO!  They’re boring, they go on forever, and nothing of value ever gets accomplished.  Yet meetings continue to occur across the globe.

I’m being held hostage in one right now.  Every Monday morning at nine, the powers that be at work hold a weekly status meeting to see where we stand in sales, what’s happening with marketing, and how things are moving along in shipping and receiving.  I’m the unfortunate soul that gets to take the minutes.  It’s a very important job.  Because of me there is now a record of what the Sales Manager just said.

“Blah blah blah, blah blah blah, my farts smell like roses.”  Something to that effect.

And what the head of Shipping and Receiving just said.

“Wah wah, wah wah, wah wah, wah wah, my morning breath smells like Belgian chocolate.”  At least that’s what it sounded like to me.

And what the Marketing Director said before him.

“Blah blah, wah wah.  My feet smell like taco seasoning.”  Now that I believe because that guy’s just gross.

No one ever asks me for my input. If they did, I’d forgo the bullshit these guys dish out every week and tell them what’s really going on.  Like the fact that the General Manager and the Office Manager do it at least once a week on top of the boardroom table we’re all sitting around right now.  And how the cleaning person scrubs the bathroom sinks with the same brush she uses on the toilets.  And how those of us in the company with an average salary of thirty-five thousand dollars a year hate it when the big wigs moan about having to fork out money for their kids private school education.  And how for a group supposedly uber-smart and successful people, they all look like crap.  I’ve never seen so many grey complexions, thinning hair lines, and dark circles under they eyes since last week’s episode of The Walking Dead.

But as I say, no one ever asks me so I’ll just sit here and continue to take notes that no one will ever ask to read.  At least this week, someone remembered to bring muffins.


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