William and Kate

3 a.m. ET.  A call comes in to the home of Eat It Up television network host, Annabelle Trainor.

“Hello?” answers the pastry chef extraordinaire.  “Well hello Prince William!  How are you, Your Royal Highness?”

Yes, on the surface, the fact that Annabelle Trainor is the type of person who receives phone calls from British royalty likely does seem impressive, but you should know that she gets phone calls, texts, and e-mails from lots of famous people.  This has been going on ever since she smoked Martha Stewart, literally, in her television network’s own version of The Hunger Games.  Prince William isn’t even the coolest person that has called her.  That honour goes to Betty White.

“Why yes, I would love to have dinner with you and the Duchess at Kensington Palace.  What day were you thinking of?  The twenty-eighth? Of this month?  Oh I’m sorry, I’m filming part two of The Hunger Games that day.  I’m planning on tearing Rachel Ray to shreds.  The fifteenth of next month?  Let me have a look at my day timer.  No, I’m afraid that doesn’t work either.  Gee, it looks as though my schedule’s pretty full over the next two months.  How about I have my people call your people to set something up?  Take care!”

Annabelle never did have her people call Prince William’s people because she had been to Kensington Palace as a tourist early last year, before she became famous, and was outraged by the incredibly disrespectful and tacky caricature-like wallpaper of Princess Diana that hung outside of the public restroom.  She was supposed to our queen one day!  Our Queen!  Camilla was no doubt behind this injustice.

Annabelle vowed the day she was there never to step inside Kensington Palace again, and she wasn’t about to break that vow for anyone, not even William and Kate.

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