Daphne’s Christmas Wish List

December 1st

Dear Diary:

I’ve never understood why some people wish for world peace at Christmas.  It’s a waste of a wish, in my opinion.  I mean, there is no way we can ever achieve world peace.  There will always be somebody evil, someone greedy, or someone who’s jealous, bitter or pissed off over something that someone else has that he doesn’t, so give it up people.  Save your wishes for a gift that you might actually get….like a Molly Maid gift certificate.  That’s all I really want for Christmas this year.

I spend all day putting up with other peoples garbage at work only to come home and clean up my family’s mess.  I know, I know…make them clean it up, teach them a lesson, etc.  But honestly, if I don’t do it, the crap will just pile up and then my house will be featured in an episode of Hoarders.

For once, I just want to come home to a sparkly clean house.  Is that too much to ask?

December 26th

Dear Diary:

I received all kinds of gift cards for Christmas yesterday.  I got a card saying that a twenty-five dollar donation had been made in my name to Amnesty International.  I was given a card that said a ten dollar donation had been made in my name to Greenpeace.  I was also given a card that told me a fifty dollar donation had been made in my name to PETA.  I’m a meat eater!  I own twenty pairs of leather shoes!  I’m married to a butcher!

For crying out loud, it’s not as if I asked for blood diamonds.  All I wanted was a Molly Maid gift card – which I didn’t get!

Stupid world peace.


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